It took a long time to figure out that trying again wasn’t admitting failure. Maybe it is obvious in some minds, not in mine. What I know is that while my parents wanted for me to be amazing, they fear failure. So, while my father said college or bust he secretly collected every scrap of my writing he found around the house. When my mother said that Artist was not a career she meant it is risky and you might not be financially viable. Both of them saw in me a creative spirit with talent, but they feared that talent wasn’t enough and they worried that pushing me to grow it and depend on it would equal a parental fail. That is sad, but understandable. Managing dreams with enough “you can do anything” and “let’s be realistic” is a hard thing…
However, a reoccurring theme that could have maybe been changed was the, “I told you so.” It came from both of them, to the point that often if I had to admit failure and ask for help I would start with, “I know you told me…” and when I chose to follow my own path I would tell them with a healthy dose of, “I have to figure this out on my own, though I am sure you are right…” In the end it created a child too scared of the backlash to do anything other than that which was directly in front of me. It wasn’t until my mid twenties that I realized how normal it was to try and fail, how many people actually went to college for creative reasons and that asking for help was okay. It was natural and it was the only way to actually get through life.
Here on this blog, and if you ever read my others, you will see a clear pattern of TRY, EVALUATE, MOVE ON and, finally, TRY AGAIN. It isn’t an indication that I am failing, it is a clear sign that I am growing as a person. With all that being said I took last week to really look at things. I will be writing a lot about the different factors of our life right now, so many things up in the air. Today I am focusing on the fact that I have a new weekly focus plan!
Monday – 43Things.com – this was such a big part of keeping my goals focused, I am cleaning it up and using it again. On Monday’s I will be updating my goals and most of my blog post will come through my 43Things account. (So, you know, you can just stay here and you will still see all that I write there.)
Tuesday – Art journaling – including posting here the updates on how that is going.
Wednesday – Weight Loss Wednesday, you know I am totally freak over catchy weekly features and Wednesday is my weigh in day so you will get an update on how I did, what I have been cooking and all that.
Thursday – Bible focus – I read my Bible and plan on doing that more, but on Thursdays I plan on getting all that spiritual writing out and organizing it. You have to start somewhere and instead of waiting for the perfect words I am going to just start writing and let them find me!
Friday – Friday 5
Of course, should anything else just pop up you will have those post at random!