the Trigger-happy housewife

Bringing the constantly fantastic and painfully insane together daily!

Here’s to a new school year!

Well, I won’t lie to you. We have never had that kind of a relationship, so why start now? The cold, hard, honest truth of the situation is that this summer sucked, and I type that sentence with a thermometer tucked dutifully under my tongue. It’s no secret that the last two years have been a throwback to 2009/2011 in that I have been sick more than not. Seriously, we are coming up on the two year mark of the first 2013 flu that I never fully, long-term recovered from.

AnypasstheAdvilpleaseway, if we took a jaunt through the summer we would have the remnants of my asthma coming back, a head injury, a foot injury, a month long erythema nodosum flareup and – finally – an overlapping “thing” that at first I thought was a bite, then a spider bite and now, sadly, I am thinking it may be a staph infection. (Flashback: I actually had a staph infection in 2002 that lasted MONTHS, took to me to the hospital twice AND required minor outpatient surgery. So, I am a little freaked out at the idea of staph.)

It’s hard not to be uber disappointed by the way it all panned out, at the same time I am in a weird space. It’s okay. The kids were happy, they entertained themselves by making art and videos and reading. I had A LOT of forced downtime and I created, made a plan and have some things on the burner that I would not have taken on if I was going, going, gone all summer! I was dealing with some guilt about the epic failure of this time, about the fact that I haven’t been to church, that I haven’t seen friends, that the workouts have been basically nonexistent. I was dealing with some nasty self-hate about the fact that the scale is reflecting a total gain (from my lowest weight) of 51.8 pounds over the last two years. Then, it was like I kind of stopped feeling all that. I’m not happy about the weight, but I am not angry at myself. I am not happy about the summer, but I am not sad over it either. It was like I entered this strange nothing over it. I can navigate in the nothing and get things done, so in that respect it is better than the stifling stagnation of depression. Only, I can’t quite get to happy. It’s like it is right on the other side of an invisible wall. I can reach for it and even feel it on my fingertips, but not wrap my hand around it. I am sure it has to do with being sick, with lack of normal and steady workouts and with the family situation that we are currently in.

Still, I can’t help but feel a little excited as the school year quickly approaches. I am happy to leave behind this dismal summer. I am excited to have a change in the monotony of these hot, long days. I am hopeful and full of this potential energy that is just dying to move again. So, I will say a little prayer for the trip I am about to make to urgent care (my Dr. wants me to go in) and for the rest of this summer’s nine days and then, come Monday morning the 10th of August I will be ready for something truly and completely different and amazing!

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“I’m a real boy!”

dude gets legs (5)

Lou ♥ has always loved making videos. Puppetry and directing make her so happy. Dude is her Muppet Whatnot from FAO Schwartz that she received from Santa about four years ago. Since then she has received several other full bodied puppets from other people and it had made her want Dude to be full bodied as well. She has brought it up a few times, and with our trip to see Harvey Rabbit looming she was all about it.

“Next year I am going to bring Dude.”

“Why next year?”

“Because by then Dude should have new legs.”

That conversation took place the Monday before the Harvey Rabbit show on Friday. She was THRILLED and asked me several times if it was really possible that i could have it done by then. I told her that as long as we found what we needed at Goodwill it was totes possible. We went to Good will and we found shoes, pants, a brand new shirt and I also scooped a Toy Story PJ top. Lou ♥ was all, “What’s that for?” and I was all, “Watch and see!” lol (I cut the arms off and made them legs.)

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“She is MY daughter, her mother is my wife.”

The following is a conversation I recently had, quoted to the best of my ability to recall it. I admit the details get a little fuzzy as I the conversation evolves and my anxiety rises. I do want to make sure that I clarify that the woman I was talking to was very sweet and kind and friendly. I am NOT writing this to talk about her AT ALL – I am writing it to talk about what I go through almost weekly and this just happened to be a recent and perfect example.

A couple of weeks ago I brought the girls to a field trip arranged by a local homeschooling group. It was our first time joining in and I was excited and nervous. It sounds funny for me to nervous, but it means new people and new people mean coming out – AGAIN. To add to an already anxious situation I know that a lot of these women go to local churches and, though I am an avid churcher and I love God and I love other Christians, the truth is that in today’s climate there are some “christians” that are mean and cruel and aggressive. I am always more wary when it involves my kids, so it was that I was nervous as I stood there waiting for others to show up.

Everything was going great, the people were friendly as people down here are. I had relaxed, joked, mingled and then it happened.

Her: (Looking at my second child.) She must look like her dad.

Me: (VERY uncomfortable. At this point if it is a stranger that I will never see I generally say, “Yep.” However, this is a woman I may befriend in time, our kids may play, I would like a group of homeschoolers to do fun things with.) She looks like her mom.

Her: Oh, so she’s your step daughter?

Me: No, she looks like her bio mom – she is my daughter.

Her: Did y’all adopt or are you her foster mother?

Me: (I want to cry and to leave and, a little, to throw up. I want this to stop so my daughter doesn’t hear this. I want the world to be a better place, where I feel safe because I am safe, not because I am hiding in my cocoon of acceptance.) She is MY daughter, her mother is my wife.

Her: Oh! OH! I’m sorry, look at me! You must get that, though…

We kind of talk over each other, me trying to make her comfortable and hating myself for it. After that she kind of avoids me, or am I avoiding her? I don’t know. Maybe she is staying away because she is embarrassed or maybe because I am a lesbian, heck it could be that I am staying away out of concern that the conversation isn’t over. At this point I don’t know.

If you can’t imagine the word brave being used in relation to Caitlyn Jenner then you have probably never known the fear and discomfort of coming out. As a femme lesbian I am faced with this virtually each time I meet someone new – and it doesn’t get easier. Some might think “get over it, it’s no big deal” and if that is how you feel that’s awesome, but when you assume that someone is straight you create an uncomfortable situation I can’t just get over – I have to come out, yet again. I have had people feel lied to because I didn’t clarify that I was married to a woman. I have had other’s feel like I talk about my gay too much when I did clarify, because they didn’t mind interacting with me as a straight person but when I explain that I am married to a woman (because they assumed I meant man when I said married) they feel uncomfortable. I have had people completely change how they interact with me. It happens all the time.

If you don’t see the big deal in this then you probably don’t have to worry about being kicked out of businesses, turned down for or fired from a job, getting verbally or physically assaulted due to who you are attracted to. Congratulations, you are blessed in ways you may never truly understand.

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Summer Reading 2015!!!

summer reading (9) Yesterday I took the girls to the Library to sign up for the summer reading program for the second year. Last year this was so much fun, we got movie tickets and a list of fun “book based” activities. It really got the kids excited. This year as we drove there they were wondering what the movie wold be (if we got tickets) and what our activities would be. They are super stoked. We got tickets to Back To The Future – yeah, apparently this year is the 30th anniversary! WHAT? I know, let’s move on a pretend it isn’t happening!

Anywho-doodle, Mavis, darling! and I have both read Rosa Parks already, Lou ♥ is reading it tomorrow. I read Anne Frank and cried. Lou ♥ and I both started the unicorn book and I am about to read The Books of Elsewhere! Happy summer reading, I will keep you guys posted!

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You deserve better!!! DIY Deodorant!

I know, I know, I KNOW – I am so aware that there are a thousand and one DIY deodorants out and about in the world of the interweb. Guess what? There is now one thousand and TWO! lol Mine is a twee different, as this post may wind up being. I’ll tell you why, and it is something you might already know – because I am not a 100% crunchy, vegan momma. Nothing is wrong with them, in fact I often envy them, but I am not one of them. I kind of have adopted the attitude that some is better than none and that doing what you can is better than holding off until you can go 100%. Let’s be honest, timing is rarely perfect and money is rarely abundant – you just have to jump into life. Also, here is a big life tip I came by a few years ago, if you start when and where you can you actually will wind up making great strides. When and where adds up quickly!

Ready – OKAY – just a quick FYI this recipe will fit perfectly into these little half cup canning jars perfectly! So, if you are blessed and able to just go out and purchase everything – perfect – if not, then I will give you tips along the way! Also, we don’t all live in a world where whole and natural things are readily available. You can use the Internet, I mean Amazon has almost EVERYTHING but if you don’t shop around you could wind up paying a lot more than you need to!IMG_1239

Clearly, CLEARLY, if you can get you hands on all organic everything your life will be better, you will be thinner, you will live longer, you honey will be hotter, your children more amusing and your crafts will be craftier… Maybe not, but that is what the world wants you to know. I want you to know that I buy organic when I can, on those days my crafts are not anymore craftier. I do what I can, but really the whole point of this – for me at least – was to get the bad deodorants out and in my opinion something made from five or six items that I could eat just seemed better than what we had. I am going to say – make sure ALL the ingredients that you use are food grade or could be ingested. You may not be eating them, but you are putting it on your skin daily and your skin will absorb it. In fact, whenever I am buying food or health items I try to buy the best of what I can afford. When picking up just one ingredient I can usually splurge and get the best, but when I need a lot I buy what I can.

You can get most of it from anywhere – seriously. Some grocery stores sell arrowroot powder, none around me, but some do. (Quick side note, a lot of my links will be to Amazon. I am a Prime subscriber – so fast free shipping makes me turn there first!) I used cornstarch because I had it and I wasn’t trying to buy anything because I didn’t know if it would work and I have spent about fifteen dollars in the pursuit of a natural deodorant and I am still using my poison when I need something I can depend on. I already had the diatomaceous earth because my mother had ordered a huge batch and given me half, I used this because of it’s clay-like qualities. Clay (and DE) will wick moisture away from the surface it is on keeping you drier feeling, giving less time for the bacteria that causes odor to feed on it and overall it feels good. I also knew that I would not be using a lot of baking soda. Baking soda is great for dry and stink free pits, but it can also eat up your skin. I know from experience that my skin will get angry and flare up if I smother it with baking soda, so I used mostly DE and a bit of baking soda. For a delicious scent I used 10 drops of clove essential oil and five spearmint oil drops. It is super easy to melt coconut oil, I mean REALLY. I used a small glass bowl inside a larger glass bowl that had hot water heated only from the tap.

Sounds great – but how does it work?

I keep it in the little glass container and when I need it I simply scoop some onto the back of my thumb nail and the melt it with both hands. It applies like a silky lotion and BANG – done!

The real question is DOES IT KEEP YOU SMELLING NICE? I know that is what you are asking and it has been tested and approved by me, the kids and my wife! So, let’s see. The first day I put it on after my workout and shower – I was giving it the “daily life” test. Throughout the afternoon or laundry and housework I sniffed repeatedly and there was nothing but the soft hint of minty clove. All good. The next morning I smelled like mint more than clove, but no BO. Having a hard time believing it could be working I had my girls give me a quick sniff test – they are going to be 11 and 13 this summer, and while they are awesome they can both be brutally honest. They were both impressed – though Mavis, darling! crinkled her nose and was like, “You smell like those air fresheners we made at Christmas!” It was cloves, she isn’t to hot for clove. lol

That afternoon I worked out – about forty minutes in the 85 degree swamp that we call air down here. I was SWEATING, which was what I wanted – to sweat like my body was made to do, but not stink. I came in drenched and, if I am being completely honest, a little scare to sniff! Dude! Under the intense heat of a workout I smelled like clove and mint – delish!!! I took my shower and reapplied – all day, all good. The third day I was sold, but felt like I might want another opinion. I took it to my wife. She literally sniff tested my pits on demand all day Sunday – pass, pass, pass, pass!!! This is a resounding success!

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I’m sorry. Just hear me out…

That’s how this would go if we were friends in real life (just found out that there is a interweb shorthand for in real life – irl – I know, kids today make everything so easy!) Though, if I am honest I think that if we were irl friends then you wouldn’t make me say I’m sorry. After all, love means never having to say I’m sorry… My blogging bunnies I fell hard for that line of Love Story and I let it help a few undeserving people out of a lot of awful things. It’s true, love means never having to say you are sorry BUT reciprocated love means saying that you are sorry and SHOWING that you are sorry BECAUSE YOU ARE not because you HAVE to! That’s the catch there!

Back to MY I’m sorry! I am, I sort of fell off of earth. I am mentally/spiritually processing a lot. It’s like my seedling out grew her pot and I had to go away and replant. Life is – once again – up in the air and it is both exciting and terrifying. Physically 2015 has been a good pain year, nothing crazy and I am more mobile that I have been in a while. I have been ill – I have asthma and new allergies, but those are now being treated. Creatively I am exploding, thank God, and I have been able to open an etsy shop, Sagittarian Designs.

This summer we have tons of things to make, do and go. I hope to blog and also to sort out this strange I am feeling. No matter what I plan to be here at least once a week!

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NOBA Spring Concert 2015

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The 100 Day Project #makersgonnamake

Just a quick update on the things that have been being made by me!

If you see anything you like email me SupernaturallySagittarius at gmail – or find my instagram page with the same name and sent me a comment or direct message!!!

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Tornado WARNING!

We don’t generally get tornadoes in the swamps, lol. Naturally when they start looking possible people freak. Usually I am the one who freaks out, but today it was my lovely. I had fallen asleep (recently my medication has changed from making me wired and on edge to VERY VERY sleepy) and I woke up to my wife blowing up my phone! She was working hours away and had gotten an alarm about a tornado warning in our area. She was so worked up that the girls and I Facetime’d her while we piled into the bathtub with blankets and pillows. The girls were a bit worried at first, but then they started tickling each other (painful when stuck in a tub together) and laughing hysterically!tornado

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Good Eggs – the last two weeks.

I know, guys, I know… I am so behind and the truth is LIFE IS HAPPENING. I mean, chances are nothing crazy. As I write this (it will publish Thursday and it’s currently Monday at 4:21 AM) I am – sick (you guessed it) and hopped up on meds and unable to sleep. This week we will do a bit of school, we have some end of the year projects to work on. I will create as part of my #the100dayproject and I will post it all up on Friday to at least try to keep up. Here are the deliveries and a few things I cooked. Can you tell that I LOVE breakfast with fresh berries? lol

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