I am breaking up with Facebook. It’s a strange place to be. There are so many, many great things about FB and I want to give it a go. Truth is, I have been giving it a go. There have been the brightest moments:
- Prayer request both given and received. It is a BEAUTIFUL thing to have so many amazing people praying for you at the drop of a few key strokes.
- I love seeing the smiling faces of my friend’s children as they accomplish life.
- I have reconnected with some amazing people and met many awesome people through FB.
- My Friend List is kind of small for most people these days. Despite the fact that it includes people from my YT world, I know and like everyone on it.
- I have used FB to find owners to pups and I have shared lost fur family.
- I love reading little updates from my church family, and I like sharing them.
However, lately I have been in a heightened place of anxiety and sadness. There is a lot to that, but this is a post relevant to FB so we will stay on track. Let me just say that as I get better it was like a one step forward, two steps back dance. No fun.
- Facebook made videos play automatically. (A feature that I fixed, but only after seeing things I can never unsee.) I do not need to SEE a dog being beaten or an infant being abused or teenagers assaulting homeless a sleeping homeless man. Sure, share a still to help catch them but the video I don’t need. I know that these things happen, I think seeing them does NOTHING to heal the hurt (if anything knowing your attack is viral on TV or whatnot I am sure can add to humiliation) and it put something ugly in us.
- I have witnessed more raciest and homophobic “jokes” or statements shared and re-shared without fact checking or thought as to what is actually being supported. Many times by my closest friends. It can make you feel truly alienated, because while they may not feel that way about ME, in their world I am the exception and knowing me has done nothing to change there views. Sad.
- NEWS – all bad all the time. Seems every time I start to feel safe there is a plethora of news stories on FB that make me scared to leave the house again.
So, I am in this place of taking a break. App deleted off my phone (BIG deal, BIG) and I turned off all notifications and emails (there will be no “I just want to come by and get my stuff” leading to dinner leading to…) only visiting from my computer. For now I am looking to work on the twitter to share my little moments and Instagram as always, we will see where it goes. If we can stop dating but be friends, then this is how it will stay – sharing blog post and art, checking in here and again. But if FB makes things weird I will be forced to cut all ties.
Sometimes when the people in my life – I lie – EVERY TIME a person in my life asks me for crafty help I freeze. I love art, I pick up most things, I can do a project pretty simply – I freeze. I am always scared that they will be disappointed. Recently my Gipper asked me to help with a crafty conversion of terracotta pot to bee hive. Okay, no problem. They she said, “We can do it here or at your place!” Um, as in she would witness the catastrophe of creation. See, between the finished product (whatever that may be) there is this stage off – what’s the word? Ugly! lol
So when I sat down with my Gipper and we started I panicked, I wont lie. There was a stage of UGLY and then as we talked and laughed all the sudden the paint started to move and we had a set of bee hives!
It is so much more fun to work out with a friend or family member. So, I am so totes stoked that my oldest little wants to Total Gym with me. Though, honestly, she has been kicking my butt!
P.S. You will see this again in a post about painting tomorrow! :)
I have been dealing with paralyzing fear lately. I don’t want to go to sleep, I don’t want my wife to go to work, I don’t want to leave my house… Anxiety is at a crazy level. Rationally I KNOW I’m being irrational, but I can’t help it. I am not taking anything, I home school and have to be aware. I get up early to cook breakfast, I can’t sleep in just because I’m on meds. and they make me loopy. Also, I have been there. They treat the anxiety with one medication that requires half a dozen to treat it’s side effects. I’ve been praying and praying and finally I have been NEEDING to paint and so I started with what I wanted to paint. The canvas went from a doodle, a woman and then to entirely black as God took over. Slowly I started to see His answer, “Did I not create the universe?”
So, I am working on putting down my human affliction – to worry, to want to control, to oversee. I am accepting the love and protection of The Great Overseer and I am going to breathe in faith and breathe out fear. Anxiety is a debilitating illness, one I have fought my entire life. If you pray, please pray for me.
There is so much going on in my heart and head and soul right now! Finishing old paintings, starting new ones. Hanging them up! God is so good!
I downloaded a free game app on my phone. It is a life game where you start off in the wreck of a house and you get married and have kids and fix up the world. You have a crumby job and little money (this is because the free app wants you to spend real money to buy fake money) and you can barely afford food, much less health care. Most of the time you are sick or exhausted. After about a week you are so old you die, your children inherit the house and the whole game states over. It isn’t fun, it isn’t stress free. It is kind of like escaping reality by looking at a awful version of reality on fast forward. I can’t stop and there is no good reason to play it!
It’s a magical world in my house right now! Seriously, I have been mixing and blending since this morning and I am in love. I will need to place a second order to get to more advanced treatments, but for now I have a face wash, a migraine blend, a weight loss blend, and a very successful “happy” blend. I also mixed my wife up an earthy perfume oil!
You may have noticed those little hand made labels and I can will tell you why. I have decided that all my blends will be under the name Miriam’s Oils and if I ever sell them it will be under that name and if I ever give them away it will be with those labels, cause I love them. :)
I used to paint a nail or two different when I did my nails. If I went and had them done I would ask for this, and everyone in the place would snicker as the woman would say, “You want different colors?” Sometimes people would say the liked it, sometimes people would say they didn’t. Didn’t matter, I loved it. Then one day a member of a popular reality TV family (Trashian) was photographed with “an accent nail” and I said to my wife, “Great everyone is going to think I want to be a Trashian.” She told me not to be silly. Within the month TWO people said something like this: “Oh, you have accent nails, like the Trashian!” I know it shouldn’t matter, but it hurt my heart and I left the odd nail behind. However, today I am debuting a new nail thing – my new nail thing – not that I am the only one ever, but I am the only one I know of – so yay!