Welcome, welcome! Would you like some tea? No? That’s all the better as this is a virtual chat we are having, dear!
Confession: this is not my first blog. No, not my first dip in the Internet pool, when it comes to blogging/vlogging
general over sharing I am a pro!
Let’s see, my first blog was a simple little world of black and white and self absorption that I created six months into a rampant love affair December 2004. I tittled it “My Life & Love ~ a fairie’s tale” and chronicled a world where I fell mindlessly and destructively in love with a girl. Basically it consisted of writing I gave to her, or poetry written for her and later some heart broken thoughts about hurricane Katrina which throughly kicked my life in its teeth. Sometimes I think of reading it, but the fact that I wasted such prose on that hoebag makes me really angry at myself! (By the way, due to the fact that I don’t like many people and therefor form an exceptional attachment to those I do AND the fact that she became my first female sexual partner, that hoebag is still a very close friend of mine. She’s one of those this-doesn’t-benefit-me-in-any-way-but-I-can’t-stop friends.)
Thing is it’s really hard for me to take a blog and adapt it to my next life, so slowly I just left my lovely world behind. At this point I was drifting without any real Internet home and not much reason for one. On the first of 2007 my girlfriend broke up with me on the way home from our family’s first new year camping trip. We had been together since October 2005 and she had been cheating on me for God only knows how long. It was an awful time and I suffered her loss horribly more due to the fact that I had used her and that relationship as a pain killer of sorts. Muted out the loss I felt after hurricane Katrina, replaced all the friends and family that had been scattered across the country by over attaching myself to her. I had rebuilt my life upon two major pylons – her and my job (where I worked with her.) The girl she was sleeping with was a co-worker and that new and ridiculously dysfunctional dynamic gave me something I had been missing terribly – a reason to write again. I started a new blog for this new girl and I dove in head first. Poetry and pain gave birth to my first self-published poetry book, Broken Vessel ~ poems for January, which is still available on the Lulu.com website. I was a nonstop fountain of creativity and then, then we started to work on a friendship… that turned into a relationship… that turned out to be the bumpy beginning to a very long road (I married that girl in 2011.) As soon as we started to make things right the poetry started to dry up, the blog was on and off used as a writing or musing world and was was pretty much dead by the end of 2009. Even in 2012 I used it once or twice, but once again I found that it didn’t fit my life.
While all this life was going on between those two blogs I had this little side project, weight loss. I was never small, but after the hurricane I ballooned to an easy 210 pounds on my 5’3″ frame. That number quietly crept up and in 2010 I thought, “I should blog about this.” I reinvented myself again and LittleFATMe was born. This blog around I did something different, I took myself over to YouTube and started a channel. I Did well with the weight loss, going from 255 to 145, and I blogged/vlogged the journey. Then, I got to a place where it was more about life then about losing. Now, that blog doesn’t fit, though the YouTube is still very active.
I started a blog to document my life as a homeschooling housewife, it never really felt like home.
I wanted something, I wanted to have a place. Only for the first time in my life I am complete, suddenly breaking a part of myself off an building a world around it didn’t make sense. I have so much creativity flowing through me, I have so much fun, talent, interest, excitement… Sometimes I tap into the pain I have lived through, you know I put on music and lower the lights and I torture myself. Sometimes I indulge in the fun, I snap pictures and laugh out loud. All of it turns out art and life and things I am proud of. I wanted a world where I could cook, create, write and live. It dawned on me that I wanted a world where I didn’t start over, I just simply let them melt into one and become the past. This site is about being who I am, all the parts and moving forward. I like to take pictures, I am in love with instagram. I like to paint, I plan on opening an etsy store. I like to take things apart and put them together, I love to work out. I adore teaching my daughters. I enjoy cooking.
My life is a pile of started projects and this place in Internet space is where I will write about starting new projects, finishing old projects. I hope this is a world that will fit for a long time, because it is everything – it’s me.