(Hereafter known as OLVW for the sake of my typing finger. I hunt and peck, whatever!)
I feel great, I ate more than I usually do… Look, let’s just put it out there – if you want a girl with food issues here I am. You can read about most of them on the old blog where I talk about food addiction (over two years sober) and binging (without the purge) and if you hang around here I am sure you will notice that my healthy lifestyle sometimes borders on unhealthy in an anorexic way. In my opinion everyone works to balance something in life. Someone might have problems leaving work at work, others might have issues finding me time… in those situations they are working on balance in areas I had mastered. Food and the balance of healthy is hard for me. Honestly I wish I were addicted to drugs because I just wouldn’t do them. Sometimes, often, that is my thought on food. I dread it because of where it can lead me.
That being put out there I have to say, as I mentioned, I do great with rules and plans. Today I ate higher calorie food, foods that are healthy but I avoid because of the calorie content. I ate them because I need the protein. My body has been wanting protein and I just sat down and made a plan. It was beyond good, I felt full and had no munchies… I didn’t workout because I woke up still a bit dogged due to being ill yesterday.
If you follow me on instagram you already saw a few of these, but here is the whole day! (Complete with pasta! potatoes! and cheese! All things I usually avoid, and yet I just weighed myself and I am only a pound higher than this morning! Mystifying!) BTW, the calorie count for today is 1,106 and I feel comfortable with that. Well, as comfortable as I can. There is actually three major reactions that my internal mees (that is plural for me, referring to all the Sonyas in my head.) The strongest reaction (75%) is THAT IS TOO MUCH!!! THOSE WERE THE WRONG FOODS! OMG HOW COULD YOU?! The second strongest (18%) is, “Say girl that is too low you really need to munch a piece of fruit and get that to at least 1,200.” Finally, there is the obese Sonya that I keep locked up (7%) who says, “We can eat so much more and not gain, find bread and eat the loaf!!! I promise I will let you stop AFTER this.”
Does that add up? There is so much noise in my head I can’t tell!