the Trigger-happy housewife

Bringing the constantly fantastic and painfully insane together daily!

A Proverbs 31 woman… (Faith & Marriage)

on June 24, 2013

There is a woman at my church, she’s tall and thin and out spoken in her faith. She can come across a little over bearing, and at first – though I loved her message – I wasn’t sure how I felt about her. Through different encounters I realized that I really like her, I find her funny and smart and wise in many ways. I enjoy the time I spend with her, in fact this weekend at dinner when my wife and I sat down with the group I leaned over to my wife and said, “I miss MK.” She was at the other end of the table and while I was enjoying the company I was in I couldn’t help but think of how much I had enjoyed the last few times I had been able to really talk with MK.

On Sunday I was speaking with her before service and during the conversation she said to me, “You are a good wife, a Proverbs 31 woman.” It was a complement that meant more than she could know. That’s a compliment from anyone, but coming from someone I have formed such a strong respect for it was even more heart touching. It’s spawned a lot of thought, and a lot of writing and a whole string of creativity… It was yet ANOTHER sign that I am on the path I was meant to walk. It was nice.

Growing up in the strict religious world I did there was this high pressure situation of trying to be worthy of God’s love. It seemed impossible to attain and even less possible to maintain. Being a woman seemed even more horrible because there was this perfect example of the woman who was both everything and nothing. She is the perfect Bree Van de Kamp housewife, who never questions and submits all to her husband (partner) she is barely human and you, as a woman, should be just like her. It seemed not only impossible, but disgusting to think that God made me smart and funny and cute just so that I could be a dim witted, plain, and mute puppet. Nothing made sense and I gave up completely on that ideal when I had a woman (pastor’s wife) pray over me and a group of other young women – she prayed that God see to look past the fact that we were whores and sinners and find it in His heart to send us men that would see past that and take control. Men that would make good decisions on our behalf and men we could serve properly.

Despite the fact that I wasn’t sure I wanted a man at all at that point I was sure I didn’t need that kind of man. I wanted a partner, I wanted an equal. If I was going to work hard to be that ideal woman I wanted someone who saw and appreciated that work, not for vain reasons or for pride but for the fact that – even when your efforts fall short – having your effort be seen and appreciated is a necessity to feeling loved for me. Especially when your efforts fall short, having someone who says, “You need help, let me take that burden for a while.” is much better than having someone who says, “What’s wrong with you, this is your duty!”

That’s what I came to learn, though, through so many ups and downs with my faith. Through revisiting all I had learned in religion and relearning it all through the sight of grace and love. The Proverbs woman isn’t perfect, she is the perfect equal to a Christian partner who is also putting the Lord first and seeking to glorify Him in all they do. See that is key, because when your partner is looking to God first they become the kind of partner you can easily be a wife to.

SO… In all my reading lately I came across a list of 10 virtues of a Proverbs 31 woman, and I decided to break them down with my thoughts on each.

1. Faith – A Virtuous Woman serves God with all of her heart, mind, and soul. She seeks His will for her life and follows His ways. (Proverbs 31: 26, Proverbs 31: 29 – 31, Matthew 22: 37, John 14: 15, Psalm 119: 15)

See, now this one is easy when you get over the fact that you CAN NOT mess it up! This doesn’t say she serves perfectly or that she never deviates, it says she seeks His will. As humans we are created imperfectly perfect, all are going to stumble and all will fall, what matters (in my humble opinion) is what you were aiming at in the first place. Are you trying to live like Jesus? Are you trying to bring shalom? Are you striving for a life that brings God glory? If so, you are doing it. You will mess up, just make it right and try harder. Learn and grow and whatever you do, do not turn away thinking that you are a failure or have somehow let Him down.

2. Marriage – A Virtuous Woman respects her husband partner ;). She does him/her good all the days of her life. She is trustworthy and a helpmeet. (Proverbs 31: 11- 12, Proverbs 31: 23, Proverbs 31: 28, 1 Peter 3, Ephesians 5, Genesis2: 18)

Let’s look again at the fact that it doesn’t say, “She is a helpmeet who herself never needs help.” No. It doesn’t say that she has no voice or that she is less than her partner. It says she is respectful and that she does her partner good. That she is trustworthy and helpmeet means a COMPANION and helper. One of the definitions of a companion is “one that is closely connected with something similar” and that I think leans heavily into the whole having a Christian partner makes this walk a fairly simple one. If you are similar then you are EQUAL and you are both Christ minded, you are both reaching for and pressing into the heart of God so it’s not a bow down to your partner its a lovingly support your partner’s walk, help elevate them in their lows, lift them up and hold them high AS THEY DO THE SAME FOR YOU. This isn’t about letting someone continually abuse or dismiss you it is about being the strong, God loving woman that your strong, God loving partner deserves, even when they are falling down or stumbling – especially when they are falling down and stumbling. This is giving advice in a loving and respectful way, speaking words that must be spoken in a voice that helps them not be taken the wrong way. This is about putting your MARRIAGE, not simply your partner but your marriage, before yourself and striving to have that relationship serve to bring glory to God.

Okay, we’ll stop there for now and cover Mothering, Health and Service tomorrow!


3 responses to “A Proverbs 31 woman… (Faith & Marriage)

  1. […] is a continuation of the blog I started Monday, please read it here if you haven’t. I would just like you to know where this is all coming […]

  2. […] is a continuation of the blog I started Monday, please read it here if you haven’t. I would just like you to know where this is all coming […]

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