the Trigger-happy housewife

Bringing the constantly fantastic and painfully insane together daily!

Limiting God.

on August 29, 2013

This post could be titled “When my Facebook status update keeps expanding…” because, well, that is what happened. Yesterday I posted this:

In your darkest moments, when the disappointment mounts to immeasurable heights and the disgust with yourself is insurmountable – God is there and He is loving you harder, fiercer and stronger than you can EVER hate yourself. We tend to humanize His love for us, assigning limits and conditions because that is the love we as a people are capable of, but His love is the perfect love we can only strive for. No limits, no conditions, no end – no way to earn it or lose it.
I can never say enough to express my gratitude, my heartfelt, all consuming gratefulness for the fact that I get to live this life or the fact that as I press in I learn more about not only how He loves me, but with that new PERSPECTIVE I am able to love more like He does!!!

You have to hand it to us – the collective US – the whole – the human race. We really think quite highly of ourselves, and rightfully so. God created US in His image, so you know, we are pretty cool! Still, we have a limited vision – so limited that some of us don’t even realize that it is limited at all. On average we tend to be short sighted, finding it hard to think of the long run if we see a fast route to gratification. We tend to think of others in terms of ourselves.

I was raised in a small, strict and sheltered religious community. When released into the secular world there was a sort of shock to my heart and spirit around every corner. Everyone I met from that point of “released into the wild” on would stare at me, mouth agape, as we exchanged stories of growing up. I knew how very different I was, yet it never really struck me what that meant. That those cultural differences gave us gravely different eyes with which to view the world. That the reason my solutions, my thoughts, my ideas and ideals were different form everyone was because I related to the world in a different way. I just assumed all seventeen year old girls crushed on the best girlfriends. dreamed of living somewhere no one knew them, was scared of everything, hated themselves for failures they couldn’t count or remember.I remember distinctly the first time I met someone who was weighted with regret and guilt, how was it that they could live and manage to avoid all of that? How did so many? I was in my twenties when I realized how my opinions and views and experiences were MINE and therefore not everyone had them to use to decipher the world. It clicked suddenly that the reason I saw things so different was because I didn’t see them “as they were” which is what I had thought, but I saw them with my tint. That moment changed my life.

I began to edit myself out. To take every situation and remove my emotions, my opinions and I started to see my views on things change. I could distinctly see that the what I think and the what I know became two very different sides of the same situation! Often people pass the what they think off as what they know, often they don’t realize that is what they are doing. We as a group tend to judge other by our standards as if they are the only standards. We tend to limit them by our limits. We categorize into categories we know, never thing there may be another category we have not yet discovered.

It makes sense that we would then put those limits on everything. Early on it was accepted that the earth was flat, humans limited the earth by what they could see. Without even thinking about it we do this to God. We judge ourselves as we judge others, condemning ourselves, hating ourselves, being full of regret. He must be mad, we would be. He must be disgusted, we would be. He must have given up on us, everyone else has… and so it goes. By the end of it we have built this great wall of HUMAN emotion within OUR hearts and we stare at the wall so consumed by the fact that we can’t see God, we can’t hear God, we can’t feel God – concluding that surely He has turned away so over us and all our miserable failures that He will never be back. That wall is our own. God isn’t building walls. God is love. If you want to get back to Him start taking your wall down, once you start it comes down much faster and much easier than it went up. You just look at your wall and you pick a brick – today I forgive myself for this or today I forgive my mother for or today I am going to be just a wee bit better – just pick ONE brick and remove it. God only needs the teeniest opening to heel you, all He needs is for you to look to Him an realize that He is there.

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