the Trigger-happy housewife

Bringing the constantly fantastic and painfully insane together daily!

God’s will be done…

on November 6, 2013

It’s a great prayer, one we are totally on board with when it seems that His will is also ours, but what about when His will and ours don’t align. I’m not even talking about in the big ways, because often in the big time it is somehow easier to nod your head and say, “It was God’s will.” However, in those smaller, “harmless” times – times when it seems like it really shouldn’t matter – it becomes a lot harder to let go of yourself and honestly follow God’s will. Often, for me at least, I find myself saying (to myself) “Why would God even have a will over this? Why would He care?”

Yet, I know that to truly live the life I desire to live I have to admit and give in to the fact that God’s will is over EVERY aspect of my entire life, and I desire it to be that way and for all of my mind, heart, soul, actions and GIFTS serve Him.

This came into play very recently and I am currently fixing it.

I am an artist, writer and poet.  I have been kind of blocked recently, mainly due to the fact that it is my desire to rejoice in the Lord with my gifts. So I have been in a state of figuring out what that means. A week or so ago I got very moved to paint, just to start painting and I created this little picture for my pastor for Pastor Appreciation. At that time my mind really started to flood with art and images and thoughts and words (poetry) and I felt like I was moving on the path I had been merely waiting on. I was excited and I was hopeful. Then, November happened.

November is NaNoWriMo – National Novel Writing Month – in which writers strive to write 50,000 words, a novel. I have been wanting to take part and this year I was all set for months. In the back of my mind I thought, “Well, I can paint in December. I really want to do this and have been planing.” I had a plan of attack for my novel and my blog and everything. My heart, however, was not at peace.

I have been at peace for months, but the moment November started I became uneasy.

The first few days I sat and I wrote and I formed a clear picture and had a string of thoughts and consciousness that will surely come into play. Only once the whole idea really formed I felt like I was being told, “There, I gave you that and you know you will one day. However, that day is not today.” I felt like, WHAT? How can you give me something I have been searching for (a clear direction for a book) and then tell me it’s not time?! It hit me then, I had also been praying for my gifts to be inspired and used for God and He had also given me that direction.

Suddenly I had a choice, not one that would affect the world, or my family, or anyone other than myself – still, a choice. I was a bit angry, a bit confused and a bit over it. Then someone we care about became ill and I personally believe in the power of healing art. Prayer and meditation go into the creation and then I gift it. I’m not saying that my paintings will heal like the touch of Jesus’ robe, but for me it’s a calling. Something I love and want to share. So it became clear that I was going to indeed do some painting instead of writing. During that I really spoke with myself over what it was I was choosing between and it really isn’t a choice at all.

I don’t want to write a novel or even a poem when God is calling me to go in another direction. I am blessed to have divine inspiration – so why would I put if off until December? I’m not. I am putting off the book, until the day God says, “Now, write your book.”

Funny thing is that the moment I came to that decision I received a book in the mail, unexpectedly, and I honestly think it was a sign saying, “That day will come.”

So as of a three days ago I am no longer participating in NaNoWriMo, and I am okay with that.

God’s will be done… by me. Not just randomly, He will if He wills. No, His will is not only the things we can’t control but the things we can and we align our actions with it and we become and ACTIVE part of His will. Now, my prayer is simply to be able to recognize this situation when it arises in every aspect of my life, because if I recognize it I won’t even be an issue what my action will be.

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