the Trigger-happy housewife

Bringing the constantly fantastic and painfully insane together daily!

HOLY – my 2014 word for the year.

on January 9, 2014

tdl wk2 (5)What is HOLY? There are many definitions, and then there is what it means to you. (As with anything remotely “religious” it is personal.) I have always had this idea of holy, from a childhood raised in guilt ridden religion, as completely removed from me. Jesus was holy, God, angels, halos, Saints, people who managed to get clean and STAY that way. Not me, no way. Not only was I born a sinner, but I was constantly messing up and proving what a sinner I was. Heck, even if my actions didn’t outright convict me I was responsible for each and every ADHD wandering thought – to think it is just as bad as to do it! Holy was in heaven, far from me. Holy was for people much more worthy than me. So, I kind of gave up in holy.

I think that left unable to truly feel and understand what God’s love is. Then, recently in my life, over the last year (a little longer) I started to reread my Bible, stories I know by heart. Having been out of the system for long enough I was able to look at them. Really, look and to answer a lot of the questions that baby Sonya has had shushed. (Questions offend God. Questions are ridiculous. Children shouldn’t talk, much less question. The list could go on.) When I found my church the people there were talking the inner talk of my own spirit. Verbalize things I was in complete agreement in and I started to get into it in myself even more.

Holy. It kept coming back to me. I was being told to look at it, though it made me feel shameful. Look straight at it, though it reminds you of all you are not. I started to look, but with new understanding I didn’t see all the pictures of my youth. Holy had changed shape, had revealed itself – in everything, in life. Holy is anything set apart, dedicated or consecrated to God – sacred. Often in life we get so caught up in the bigness, rushing through this to get to that, like children wishing away ten months of the year to get to summer vacation! Everyday is made up of these small separate moments, events that range from holding your child before starting the day or catching the morning light the moment it hits a leaf at the perfect angel and creates a tiny light show to car accidents where strangers help or the death of a friend when you look at the people who loved them and realize you love them even more for there heartache. They may not sound holy, but they can be. That last example happen recently for me. A friend died and the Sunday after it was heavy in the air at church, people were mourning. Hearts were broken. As I looked at my church family, feeling this loss and crying for a dear sister, I felt the love of God for them increase in me – that moment and place was set apart in time and existence and it was holy.

To put it simply – Jesus walked on the dirt, he didn’t hover. Neither should we.

How often is Jesus’ holiness demonstrated in the dirty, sick, sad, grieving – MESSY – parts of life? We need to realize that within ourselves is this divine ability to create and sustain the holy here on earth and in the lives of people – believers and non the same. We need to reach into the messy parts of life and pull out the beautiful, and we need to make it a habit.

This year my goal is to walk my Jesus path, I know I may lose it but the moment I realize that I am not going to wallow I am getting right back. I am focusing on the moments that make up the hours, allowing God and the Holy Spirit to set them apart and use me as I will be used. I want to live a holy life, that serves Him and humanity. The people I pass by, the people I meet once or the people I know and love.

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