the Trigger-happy housewife

Bringing the constantly fantastic and painfully insane together daily!

The good fight.

on February 27, 2014

I did it. I caved. I went to the doctor and I got medication for the stupid fibromyalgia.

When I first got sick, way back in 2009 it was this strange thing. I was having trouble walking, stairs were the worst and I was getting really tired. I was also 255 pounds and in my mind I didn’t ask for help or see a doctor because I knew it was my weight. However, by the height of that illness, June 2009, I woke up and literally could not walk. I knew my legs hurt, but when I went to stand they just crumbled. I was scared out of my mind. I was covered in these “boils” that the doctor had told me was a staph infection. After falling over and being unable to move I went to the hospital and found out I had no infection. In fact they couldn’t find anything wrong with me. Nothing was wrong – except I was in pain, I was weak, I was covered in painful bumps (erythema nodosum is what they were.) I had them for a year after that and I still get them, though not widespread) at least once or twice a month. Over the next year I was diagnosed with non-degenerative rheumatoid arthritis and fibromyalgia. I was also put on a million drugs, from Vicodin for the pain to DOZENS of antidepressants for the fibromyalgia. I often got fussed at for not taking the Vicodin regularly, I felt like if I could get through it I should and besides how would I know if I was getting better if I always felt fine? I hated the antidepressants because they made me twitchy, sleepy, zombie-fied, panic-y, angry or any combo of those things. Once the bumps cleared up enough for me to walk and the pain/weakness was not too great I bought a stationary bike and started to pedal. I was determined to lose weight and keep myself moving.

It was hard, has been. The pain is always there in some degree, except for a few weeks here and there I can recall in great detail! Still, I kept moving. I figure if I am going to hurt I might as well get to it. I lost weight, became a runner. I deal with the fibro and keep going. Then I got sick at the end of last year, I was down for the long count. Out of commission. It didn’t take me long to realize once I was no longer ill that I was no longer on top of things. The time without movement (two week spent on the couch) plus the physical strain of the flu on my body had left the door for my fibro to creep in and make itself at home. I tried to start running, tried to keep pushing. I lost steam. January was a slow death of sorts, my entire upper body was frozen and tender. I was at my lowest, or so I thought. February came and it brought something I never thought I would feel. My legs, they just started to give out. I could still walk (hobble) and I could still move – but for every walk I paid dearly for days after and then this last weekend after some very stressful life events (to be shared later) I went to stand and the pain and weakness in my legs made me sit back down. I haven’t been able to do a squat or a lunge in two weeks, so I wasn’t entirely shocked by the pain or the weakness. The fact that it took me off my feet – horrifically shocking. I managed to get up, but with every step it was agony. I called the doctor.

Trying to fight the good fight is noble, but when you are losing there must be a time to ask for help. In retrospect that time was probably January when I first realized that being sick had put me behind this thing. Thankfully God has blessed me with a doctor who understands that this is not mental, I am not crazy or depressed and that I don’t want to be zonked out or high! She gave me three scripts – a light sleep aid because its hard to sleep or be comfortable in pain, a mild pain killer to try to get back in control of things and a nerve medication for longterm management. I was sad about this for a while and then I realized that while I wasn’t on prescribed medication I have been taking four Advil every six hours for months now and honestly that is so not good.

I took the pain killer today for the first time and I am pleased that while I felt a teeny bit funny it wore off fast and I am able to function normally. The pain is at a 2, so I am able to sit and wear clothes and move without feeling as if I am being tortured. I will be taking the sleep aid tonight and the nerve medication once my insurance approves it. I’ll let you know how it goes!

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