the Trigger-happy housewife

Bringing the constantly fantastic and painfully insane together daily!

Hot N’ Cold

on June 26, 2014

If you would indulge me for a moment, and you will because this is my teeny Internet world, I am going to start this potentially deep as the sea post with a lighthearted reference to a  Katy Perry song (stick with me, there is actually a tie in. I promise!)

You change your mind
Like a girl changes clothes
Yeah you PMS
Like a b*tch, I would know

And you overthink
Always speak critically
I should know
That you’re not good for me

‘Cause you’re hot then you’re cold
You’re yes then you’re no
You’re in then you’re out
You’re up then you’re down

That’s me – I am Hot n’ Cold – or I was.

Now for the explanation: there is so much going on inside of me, so much. Art. Writing. Poetry. Song. Sermon. Reading. Rest. Running. Humor. Sadness. Revelation. Growth. Stillness. Joy. Movement.

If you read that list you will notice that a lot of those things are the opposite, they kind of cancel each other. Like, dropping joy into sadness is like dropping ice into a steaming cup of coffee. You don’t have ice or hot coffee you now have room temperature – you don’t have joy or sadness you have this mix… Only I have NEVER been one to mix. I have always compartmentalized my life, to a strange degree. If I am happy I am one person, and she only exist in certain settings with certain people. If I am sad I am a different person, and she will only be herself with certain people. So it has been, and while people may fall into several categories I am generally one or the other. In the past when I had art flowing I didn’t write, when I was bleeding poetry I created NOTHING. I am telling you there is so much I feel like I can’t even move forward I am so confused by where to go. I’ve never had myself vie for my own disabled attention and it’s killing me.

Don’t get me wrong, I love the flow of energy and art and even coming to terms and dealing with old things – I love the freedom. I just wish I could sort some things out. For now I just wrote a poem, and I have three paintings going on the strongest in my mind. Here’s hoping the Mes can get things done.

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