Much ado about nothing.

I feel like I can’t breathe.

I was raised kind of quirky. Constantly being told about the power of my tongue. If I expressed a fear I was told not to talk that way, I was speaking it into existence. Through the years I watched this happen, but it seemed only the bad things I said took root. I don’t know why that is. I don’t believe that so much, though I do believe in the power of your words. Maybe, however, not so directly.

Right now in life I feel so overwhelmed and it just isn’t letting up. I don’t have a car for me and the kids, not a reliable and safe one at least. Without a working and reliable vehicle I can’t book jobs – how would I get there and haul my set up? We are stretched beyond thin. Beyond. Our oldest needs braces. I have three teeth that are falling out bit by bit, making it hard to eat or think or exist. Then, on my birthday I discovered a leak. After as much investigation as we could I am pretty sure it has been here the whole time we lived here, basically covered up by the guy who worked on the house. I am scared of the mold that may be in our walls, of the fact that we can’t possibly afford to fix this now. I am scared that this is what has caused me to be ill for years (I literally got sick months after moving here.)

That list of worries doesn’t even include the fact that it’s Christmas with all that that brings. It doesn’t display all the intricate and private parts of life.

I feel like I can’t breathe. I feel like I am on the verge of crying, all the time. I feel tired. It isn’t any good at all that stress equals pain in my body. Lately, I feel like I am functioning pretty well on the outside, but on the inside it hurts like crazy. My bones throb and my head is constantly stabbing me!


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