fun!, Home ~ where the ♥ is..., Little duckies..., Lou ♥, Mavis, darling!, Mind - body - soul., Much ado about nothing., Painting

A garden full of snakes.

We took the kids to a science/rock show in Baton Rouge a few weeks ago. It was a well planned weekend that fell apart when we got stuck in traffic on the New Orleans high rise for HOURS – HOURS people!!!

Anyway, we hit that show with a hard plan to make sure that we got all things taken care of so that we didn’t miss a thing. I was desperate to do the craft – not knowing what it was – but that was the last thing planned because we prioritized the kids. Then we found out that it was painting a rock and, unhappy with drying times and the available mediums, we decided just to take our rocks and paint them later.

Later was postponed and postponed until the perfect opportunity set itself in front of us. Happily, that was Easter Sunday. We sat together that evening and painted our little rocks. We loved it. We will be doing more, clear coating them, and setting them in our next garden when God moves us where He will.

In case you wanted more, here is the small video I made about the trip:

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Cooking, skinny recipe, Wife

Simple & yummy!

Real quick, because lately if it ain’t quick it ain’t happening! lol Two fast, fun things to eat:

First up, Banana Cups – basically a banana ice cream made and then portioned out to be portable and quickly accessible!

All you need to make them my way is bananas (very, very ripe) and coconut oil. Of course, you can add chocolate chips, coconut bits or anything that you would like!

Next is a dish I make a lot and I think I shared here before. At least a variation probably! I love to cook for my wife. It makes me happy that even though she is out of town I can still be a big part of her daily life.

eat right, Mind - body - soul., Much ado about nothing.

Changing my MIND.

We girls, we reserve the right to change our mind – and then change them back. lol That is not what this post is about. This post is about changing my mind’s reality – redefining things that were defined for me before myself or my mother or my great-great-great grandmother existed.

Food.

Yep. It’s me, returning to a blogging past of FOOD. I mean, I had a whole blog based on what I would/would not, did/did not eat. Food. Food is a cultural, religious, emotional, life staple and, for me, it is my drug. I am a food addict. I am very careful about saying that. I want to speak life over myself, speak freedom, and love and light – so, I will say I am a food addict on the road of recovery. I flipped back and forth between not want to say that I was an addict, but in the end – this is the right choice for me. Using my God to deny this in the form of not claiming it did not help me stay sober, in fact it allowed me to pretend I was not in need of sobriety anymore. Twisted, I know, but I am an addict. We twist.

On and off as I have struggled to reach and maintain sobriety I have visited the idea of abstaining from food. I visit this idea and then declare that it is impossible, because it is. I then look for ways to get as close as possible. Shakes? Juices?

Perhaps, though, reaching sobriety will be a blend of redefining both sobriety and food. So, I am going to be going on an ALL Soylent diet for seven days. I ordered the Soylent powder 1.5 yesterday and I think that as soon as it comes I will mix it and start the next day. As a disclaimer I do have a race scheduled for the 30th and I will be getting a medium Green Tea Tango with strawberries afterwards.

The plan right now is evolving BUT instead of making a little notebook I am going to live it out right here and one YouTube. I will tweak and change and thing and move in a transparent way that will hopefully help me and anyone who logs onto the interweb some day looking for help in an impossible feeling situation.

 

Mind - body - soul., Much ado about nothing.

I want to know..

Last Christmas my mother asked me to make a family tree for her. I was totally into the idea (though it hasn’t happened yet – I don’t know where the year went but I know that both of my Christmas gift art projects are still undone!) because lately I have been really trying to understand what it means to be – white.

edited me
Clearly I blocked out names because it seemed like a lot of information to be putting out there in one place. idk

Look, I know what it means to be white skinned in the south – I know that it means I am safer, I am more employable, I am born with the privilege of living without many of the social and economic hardships that my fellow brothers and sisters of earth do not enjoy. I didn’t always know that – but I do now. What I didn’t understand what how my mother could look at pictures of her father – thick black hair, dark eyes, deep brown skin and say, “That’s the Indian in him.” If we were white, how was he Native American? I was raised in a white-washed white world with NO CONNECTION to any sense of history, family, culture other than the small family I knew and the culture of Southern Louisiana and New Orleans.
It honestly never occurred to me that I came from somewhere. That my family came from someplace beyond the land deep in the south of Mississippi where my grandmother’s grandmother still lived. I was SHOCKED when I was told that Native American’s weren’t allowed to go to school or have other rights and due to that our Native American ancestors registered their children as white. I knew that there were Irish-Native American marriages, but had no idea that many Native Americans married outside of the tribes to avoid persecution and to attempt to be accepted and afforded the chance to just live. Many of those we to the poor Irish, which my great grandparents were. Then the brain starts to question all sorts of things. I was angry that they would have to do that and that no one seemed angry – in fact they seems happy just to be white. “You just are.” I was told. How? How? Just because we passed? How was it okay to just walk away from who you were and become something else? Would everyone back then have done the same?
Finding out about that side of the family has been hard enough, but the other side is even worse. There was an adoption – though it is questionable if it was an adoption or an out of wedlock baby adopted by only the father. That happens to be the lead I am following due to the fact that that is the only story I was given with much conviction. There was a great grandmother who spoke German, though someone else remembers her speaking French – what?
Though the disappearance of any Native American blood is one thing, if it was better I can almost understand. Why, though, do we have NO connection to the Irish side? No celebrations or customs – what happened to their way of life? There had to be something. What happened to any of the things that made the people I came from who they were? Other than a long line of addiction I can’t see them. Maybe it was the fact that they were so poor that there wasn’t much to pass on, maybe it was the addiction that left nothing to look back on fondly… It’s not that I don’t want to be white, I am white. I am also confused and disconnected.
It all left me blank, an open canvas with no real loyalty to the white mass. I am filling my canvas with learning, with our own customs and culture. I am investigating where I come from for my daughters – it’s where they come from. I am learning where they came from, we talk about the history that they have as best as I have been able to discover it. I am embracing ALL of my history – because while I don’t know much about me the individual I know I am an American and that American history, LGBT history, Black history – the good and the bad – ALL of it is ours to share and know and learn from.

I really can’t tell if what I am trying to say is coming across. I hope so, but if not I will keep trying…

Creativity ~, eat right, fun!, Lou ♥, Mind - body - soul.

Life lately!

You guys I swear when I make plans it is as if NOTHING can line up. Then, when I just toss in the towel, it comes banging back together! lol Such is life lately:

God, Mind - body - soul.

But, did I miss my miracle?

Can we talk miracles and not talk God? I don’t know. I know that my understanding of a miracle is linked to God, but also that my understanding of God isn’t easily written into a neat little blog package. So, let’s take it to the intra webs to see what a MIRACLE actually is:

A miracle is an event not explicable by natural or scientific laws. Such an event may be attributed to a supernatural being (God or gods), a miracle worker, a saint or a religious leader.

Thank you very much Wikipedia, my go to source for easy and fast look ups, though not guaranteed to be correct I am going to accept this and go with it!

Back in the times long before the internet and cars and CDs and all of the other things that we love and don’t even realize were once nonexistent people thought that droughts/fires/floods/ect. were directly caused by God/gods and that sacrifice would appease the angry toddler like beings. Conversely people believed that rainbows and other natural (yet unexplained) events were miracles, and well they might be if you happen to marry science to miracles as I do. Seriously, when I think of the intricacy of nature, of the awesomeness that comes together to make this world what it is – I see many a miracle, and proof of God. I don’t know that God cares if you call Him God, or Allah, or if you think of Him as one or as three or as many. I don’t care, but I (unlike so many of today’s leaders and christains,) do not speak for God. I also would never use my understanding of God to enforce my beliefs on someone, or their body or their life. That’s just me.

Anywho, I was lost in the nothingness of Facebook space (you know what I am talking about, when you go from one friend’s photos into the lives of acquaintances, then practical strangers and then actual strangers…) and I happened to stumble upon this:

miracles

I get it. I understand the point that it is making, but still I found it so sad. I found it sad that this person, who I do know in some capacity, felt connected to this. I found it sad that so many had liked it or commented with things like, “You know it!” I felt sad that THAT is what they think of God. The simple idea that we as humans could BLOCK a MIRACLE from happening with our timing, attitude, flaws, imperfections, actions or emotions undermines the very nature of God and miracles. They are not merit rewards for good behavior, you do not earn them. The absence of miracles (generally, in my experience means we are looking in the wrong direction) is not a punishment. Miracles exist around you, even in devastation, even when we can not appreciate them, and yes – even when we do not deserve them.  Heck, we ourselves are miracles, constantly shifting from kinetic to potential and back again – blessing others and this world when we choose to be and share the light.

Goals ~ Raising my standards., Mind - body - soul.

Today I feel… SKINNY.

Today I feel skinny.

Even though I know that I weigh what I weighed yesterday. Even though I am not even thin (though people who are accustomed to the new normal of our society may disagree.) Even though I know my clothes will still feel snug and uncomfortable. Even though my skin is still trying to detox from the wretched foods I have been eating. Even though I am still trying to hydrate myself from months of not getting enough water.

Here’s the thing: I feel skinny because I have been eating well. I feel skinny because I have been drinking enough water. I feel skinny because I worked out this morning – for the SECOND time this week. I feel skinny because I feel good about myself. That is no good.

Sure, the feeling good is a great thing. The fact that my mind is programed to equate feeling good to skinny, feeling happy to skinny, feeling hopeful to skinny – that is not good. That’s not good for a million reasons, but for me in particular it is no good because it adds to the unhealthy relationship I have with food and fitness. Sure, making good choices should make me feel great – physically and mentally. But when they make me feel skinny and skinny makes me feel in control it sets me up to fail. The moment one “bad” choice comes along my mentality becomes, “Throw in the towel.” My mind fills with some of the following thoughts (and more:) You already ruined the day, just eat. You are fat anyway, eat more. Better eat everything today because tomorrow you starve.

The “bad” choice doesn’t even have to be BAD, it just has to be less than perfect (and I swear, my definition of perfect is far from it. It is a strange list of food my brain has given me permission to eat.)

To try to work with myself I am trying to identify these moments, these days, and to really think them out. I am trying to re-frame my head picture and use new vocabulary for my thoughts. So today instead of skinny I feel happy – my wife has the weekend off and we have plans with family. Today instead of skinny I feel strong – despite high levels of pain and recovering from injury I have worked out TWICE with at least another one planned. Today instead of skinny I feel like ME – I am finally running again and all the lies I told myself about not really wanting to be a runner have fallen away! Today instead of skinny I feel hopeful – I have a plan, and God has been smiling on it. Today instead of skinny I feel disciplined – I have been eating well, making health choices and avoiding the use of “good” or “bad” to describe my foods.